Revision Changes the Story
Today’s Question: What should a writer change before correcting commas?
Learning Target
I can revise globally for purpose, structure, character, and pacing before editing locally for style and conventions.
I Do · Four Revision Passes
- Purpose: What pressure/change is the story actually about? Remove or reshape events that compete with it.
- Structure: Is the decisive turn earned? Are scenes and summaries proportioned to importance?
- Experience: Where does the reader need action, dialogue, image, sensory evidence, or strategic withholding?
- Language: Only now refine sentences, dialogue punctuation, verbs, pronouns, repetition, and proofreading.
“Show, don’t tell” is a choice, not a commandment. Showing expands a moment. Telling can compress, orient, transition, or move quickly through lower-priority information. Revise based on narrative purpose.
We Do · Revision Diagnosis
Take the sentence “Jalen was terrified when he entered the basement.” Create one expanded version that shows fear through concrete evidence. Then identify a context where the concise original might actually be the better choice because the story needs to move quickly.
You Do · Global Revision
- Read Draft 1 without editing sentences.
- Write a one-paragraph diagnosis naming the weakest global dimension.
- Make at least three structural/craft revisions, not merely word substitutions.
- Then make a local conventions pass.
- Preserve Draft 1 and the revised version separately.
PROSE Window
Now move into PROSE. Preserve the original as U3 Narrative — Draft 1; revise; then preserve U3 Narrative — Revised. Keep a revision note identifying what changed and why.
Prove It
Choose your strongest revision and write: Before → After → Why this changes the reader’s experience.